When I made this video on my way out of Anarchapulco a few weeks ago, I felt no one would get what I was saying, I felt this video would go unseen and unheard and that gave me a sense of tranquility, “I am nobody and I can say whatever I want under the freedom of anonymity in the crazy whirlpool of youtube”
My intention when filming these thoughts was and still is to reflect a little slice of what is happening on the inside to all of us enmeshing in these decentralized cities, how we feel, while we swim and navigate these new open waters creating floating bridges with one another, from project to project and heart to heart.
It is weird being a part of a world where everyone appears, and often truly is, successful and secure, accomplished and brilliant, talk about feeling like a small fish on and edgeless bowl (shameless edge secure plugin here my fav wallet of all times) it seemed to me at first that most people tried to portray themselves as successful in different ways, but also hyper-focused on material wealth or abundance of tangible freedom, and this was annoying/ intimidating, until I realized it reflected my own insecurities, and then, I started noticing everyone else’s too, their own moments and sensations of disconnection, of not being great enough, and here is the thing, with this level of ambition for world transformation, it is never going to be enough, but we are learning to be happy in the process, enjoying the present also.
Since then I have understood – and continue to uncover the layers – of this discrepancy between feeling who I am at my truest potential, and seeing who I am in this present moment.
These same core words we use to converse with our psyches about abundance and self-love, are often misrepresented as egotistical selfish tendencies in the old glitching outdated useless programming, and are basically the definition of “getting in your own way”
My higher self is here telling me “I am a super woman power house of epic radiant light” and then my intergenerational trauma encoding shames me back into my little box. But I don’t want this box no more!! I want to hop around the blocks of freedom from genesis to infinity and into the multiverse theory of everything is happening at once in a circular momentum of energy in motion = emotion attracting more light into this ray of sunshine and positivity to grow ourselves into the plant medicine magical bursts of nodes of god-ness and goodness that we are.
This is why poetry and spoken rap – this is why i make a fool of myself on youtube and now tube freestyle rapping channeling whatever feels fun and true at that moment, bending words into shapes that make up new textures of life.
I have been feeling so thankful, inspired and honored for having the opportunity to be one of the many voices and visual experience creators of this movement. In this moment I let go of everything I want to control, and I give my soul back to the endless flow of platinum light that guides me, the sacred and the silly balance of life (also a bilingual poetry book i put out on kindle (link below)
I stop apologizing for being everything I am and move into acceptance of knowing not everyone will get me or get it, but that those who do will connect reach out and also be themselves in their full creative expansion and that I support fully.
I love you, thank you for reading, and let’s get weird-er changing this world doesn’t have to be so serious – well not all the time anyway.
The level of support lately has been so magical. Ima embrace it, and remind myself and hopefully help you remind yourself when you forget that you are a spectacular being and what you are doing here, posting, supporting connecting, is pioneering at a level that can only come from pure love, even through fear sometimes, even through our very human filters of greed and scarcity and whatever else is ugly and uncomfortable to name, i rather name than shame and rather support and help grow and expand than cage. We are free, we deserve to be, we are here to help each other and to heal this planet and one another, and if weird stuff i do/say in this very public life doesn’t vibe than id love to learn form an opposite reflection. As I’ve told lovers after a break up, once you are in my love bubble you are there forever, at different levels of connection and interaction but my love bubble only expands and grows, it never retracts. So ima love you! and ima love the haters even more, because sometimes i also catch that virus and cough up some bad letters, and when i remember that spelling is casting spells, and that i namastey grounded to be peaceful, I regroup and always learn.
Okay rant over. Thank you again for sticking with me through this swirl of ideas and feelings, I would truly love to hear your thoughts.
Sacred and silly poetry book – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075LLVLZT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1505322128&sr=1-1&keywords=nanu+berks